Getting fired, getting dumped, and getting shut out.
We've all experienced some form of rejection in our lives.
Though it's not always objectively "bad" to feel rejection in terms of personal growth, it can certainly be a bad thing to face constant social rejection every day.
In this article, we will examine the effect of social rejection on our brains and on our behavior.
We will also talk about how frequent rejection can lead to negative feelings of self-worth, and how dating apps play a role in this.
Let's get started!
Quit Playin' Games with my Heart
What is social rejection exactly?
It can come in many forms, and some of the most common forms that we face are being fired from a job, being rejected by a potential romantic partner, and being left out of groups.
Social rejection can also come in smaller packages. For example, have you ever told a joke that no one understood? And they just look at you with a blank stare?
Oh.. yeah, me either....
Anyone who interacts with people daily, either through work or friends, will potentially face some sort of rejection at some time.
This isn't necessarily bad. In fact, rejection can be a good thing.
But what happens to our brain when we get rejected? And is frequent rejection a bad thing?
Our Brain on Rejection
In an article published on Nature.com, the authors explain the dangers of constant rejection:
"As social animals, we are hardwired to seek and maintain strong and stable relationships. Severe or repeated social rejection (being disliked or ostracized) and isolation are causal factors in the development, persistence, and severity of nearly all psychiatric disorders."
So repeated rejection can exacerbate or even create psychiatric disorders.
According to the authors, social rejection or acceptance can also directly impact mood:
"Using laboratory models of online dating and social media interactions, we found that being liked by others led to a greater increase in positive mood in depressed compared to healthy individuals."
Well, this is pretty obvious. It feels good to be accepted, and feels bad to be rejected.
Pain and Behavior
If constant rejection is a bad thing, then how bad is it exactly?
Apparently our brain can actually measure the pain felt by rejection.
According to an article in Discover Magazine, the same parts of our brain that register physical pain are also active during social pain:
"That means pain from a break-up, firing, or dissolution of a friendship is very real. Similar to instances of physical pain, the same regions of the brain register social pain, and scientists have identified a clear overlap between physical pain and social pain."
So the hurt from feeling rejected is pretty much the same as the pain felt from being physically hurt, from a brain activation standpoint.
The same article also talks about how social pain can shape behavior in the same way that physical pain can, however, social pain does not necessarily "go away" like physical pain:
"The memory of pain serves as a warning against repeating the risky behavior in the future. And although the memory of physical pain can fade, studies have found it’s not the same with social pain, which can linger over time and reactivate with memory triggers."
While social rejection can certainly "build character" in some instances, and in professions like stand-up comedy, the rejection of a crowd is thought of as a rite of passage, it's safe to say that with the pain being felt from the brain, constant social rejection can lead to pretty bad mental states.
Rejection on Dating Apps
One place where many people face constant social rejection is on dating apps.
Many of these apps are designed for quick hookups and casual relationships.
Although some may want that, for others, a solid relationship in the form of friendship or romance is more valuable, and unfortunately it is not so easy to find this on dating apps.
Although you may match with someone, it is quite difficult to figure out how to start the conversation, and when we try, we often get ignored or we get non-satisfactory responses that make us feel left out.
This is especially true for men on dating apps looking for women. It is often not easy to hold a conversation, and men often feel a sense of rejection every time they use the app.
With what we know about the literal pain of rejection and the dangers of constant rejection, this makes traditional dating apps non-ideal environments for many people.
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Avoid the constant sting of social rejection typical of traditional dating apps, where users often swipe mindlessly.
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